Mr. Peakerman's Blog

One Liner News! Because a smart mouth is a terrible thing to waste. Or was that a dirty mind? Whatever.

Pot Shrinks Tumors; Government Knew In ‘74
…The biggest human experiement going would therefore be how many Dead Heads have never experienced a tumor.

Dog Owners ‘Fleeced’ In Poodle Scam
…So thousands have bought sheep they thought were actually poodles…giving new meaning to the famous last words, “I didn’t know it was a sheep at the time!”

Cancer Fighting Drug Found In Dirt
…Always the last place you look!

Russians To Build Tunnel To North America
…Most people just take a cruise to Alaska.

Dude Passed Out on Gas Pedal Blows Up Car
…Talk about a rude awakening…

First Habitable Planet Outisde Of The Solar System Discoverd
…Finally, a place we can put Don Imus, Paris Hilton, and Alec Baldwin.

Music Goodness: 10 Best Bands Of The 90s
…All in all not a bad list.

One Liner News! One would guess father’s day isn’t happening for a couple celebrity dads…

Robotic Falcons Enlisted To Fight Pigeons
…Because those buggers are that dangerous.

Alec Baldwin Calls Daughter A ‘Rude Thoughtless Little Pig’
…He makes Joe Jackson look like Ward Cleaver to the point that Michael Jackson is almost jealous of the Baldwin kid.

Father Lays Blame On Spears
…Well, someone has to.

What is this, celeb fathers running for Father of the Year or something?

Smart comments are more welcome than actual news is here. There’s a One Liner below that’s not funny and that’s on purpose. You’ll see why…

7-Year-Old Boy Finds $8,900 Worth of Crack Cocaine In His Jacket Pocket
…He could get into worse things – at least he’s not hanging out with Michael Jackson.

Oklahoma Declares Watermelon State Vegetable
…Yet residents seem oddly unaware that a watermelon is actually a fruit.

VA Tech Killer Ruled Mentally Ill By Court; Let Go After Hospital Visit
…That’s called getting away with murder.

Britney Spears Blames Paris Hilton
…Well, somebody has to.

Donkey Becomes Witness in Dallas Dispute
…What a smart ass!

Nine Inch Nails “Year Zero” CD Holds An Interesting Secret
…Wow, something to maybe make you actually want to buy a CD for once!

The VW That Does Nearly 300 mpg
…Somewhere, there’s a sheik who doesn’t like Germans very much right now.

Home Pot Farm Goes Up In Smoke
…You never know who on your block is merely raising ungrateful children and who’s got pot plants under grow lights…Go figure.

Blundering Plumber Burns Down Million-Dollar Mansion
…Even Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day” can’t make you feel better after pulling a smooth move like that.

What a dreary news day…how will we ever make fun of the news on a day like this? Watch us!

TV Shows That Should Be Cancelled
…Why didn’t the TV show with that kid with the hair make the list?

Michael Jordan’s Divorce Most Costly Ever
…Paul McCartney breathes a sigh of relief for now.

Bird Flies Into Engine of Cheney’s Plane
…Danger Cheney ducks death again!

Actually, we have no idea what kind of bird it was, and it probably wouldn’t have done a thing to Cheney’s plane. But isn’t it eerie how often death and danger cross paths with the VP?

Woman: Bowel Caused Alleged Shoplifting
…We’ve heard of the Twinkie defense, but never the lower intestine defense.

Man Arrested in Feces-Filled Home
…No word on why he was found hanging out alone in Don Imus’s house.

ADOT Projects Will Close Parts of Freeways This Week
…Because our traffic isn’t bad enough as it is.

Here’s our One Liner News for Friday, April 13, 2007. We’re not superstitious, unless listening to Stevie Wonder’s song. Does that count?

Boredom, Bet Lands Kid in College at 12
…Freak! No, seriously, we’re happy for him.

Three Children, And One Teenager Cover Iron Maiden – Doesn’t Suck Either
…Wow, Ozzy’s kids didn’t even do that on their reality show!

The Prospect of All-Female Conception
…Don’t worry, men aren’t obsolete yet; who will do the oil changes?

Julian Lennon Sells Stake in Beatles Songs
…If this has anything to do with getting the songs on iTunes, we’ll be so happy!